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Wednesday
February 22nd



[[info]] 9:44pm - Well it aint as if you can keep a good wanker down!
Mood: Pissed like a fart, UK UK!!!
Well you cant keep a good wanker don't cant yah? The littlest and wankiest Weasley is back and although this wank looks small its shaping up to be a scorcher!
This time it's all about the Olympics!
Seems like Ginny Weasley decided to skive off class in order to take in the results of the ice skating race. Things get interesting when she begins to diss the noble sport of Gobcurling and that right Poofter Hufflepuff decides to jump in to defend his sport!
Course being them this leads to insulting each other's families and it'll most likely end with Weasley making a poll at some point.
Lets see how this shapes up eh?

Sunday
January 22nd



[[info]] 7:47pm - Here they go again
Mood: amused
It was almost a year ago, but feels like just yesterday that RPS wank last exploded. That one was messy, but this one looks like it could end up doing it one better.

Snoodle has long been a great fountain of wank, and today is no exception. Seems rpsishot wrote some RPS Quidditch fic. Well, by "some," I mean ten nearly-identical stories, all of which are very, very, very bad.

Enter blueandblackfan, who wrote her own Quidditch RPS, hosted at the same site, and apparently identical in every respect, excepting, of course, the names of the players and the teams.

As usual, the Snoodle forums explode with wank, mainly in the Quidditch section, where the plagiarist and the plagiaree fight over who exactly is whom.

Completely predictably, the wank spills over onto blueandblackfan's journal, where the inevitable threats of copyright lawsuits are bandied about.

Good times!

ETA: Now they're accusing each other of backdating posts, too.

ETA II: And it's spilled into rpsishot's journal as well now.

Tuesday
January 17th



[[info]] 4:12pm - GAY AND IN DENIAL!

GAY AND IN DENIAL!
An exclusive report for wizard_wank

By special wankspondent Rita Skeeter



Boarding schools have long been rumoured hotbeds of homosexuality, but Hogwarts may be proving the theory beyond anyone's wildest imaginings. Who are the biggest culprits? This reporter gives you an overview of the most recent incidents involving the most claustrophobic cases of closeting.

drunkirishdude has clearly pined for deanosovirtuoso for years, and slips up frequently. Most recently, he protested the quiz spam with a strikethrough remark that "Besides, there's even not a Deanie option on the "who are you screwing at hogwarts" quiz. What kind of rubbish is that?!"

grrgoyle is completely clueless that he keeps making statements that clearly point to a not-heterosexual orientation. He makes "Pool Boy" on a quiz (and makes one of his many suggestions that he wants to have sex with You-Know-Who,) was aroused by and wanked to hufflepuff4life as a redhead, asks if cedeadric can "handle him", and takes a "who are you screwing" quiz with only male results.

prefectlyernie absolutely freaks out at the slightest suggestion that he might be gay, especially if he's brought it on himself. He is fast becoming one of the most prolific wankers in the school. See: GIGANTICALLY FREAKING OUT over test results, including catching a P.E.N.I.S., conspiracy theory, terror of nude male illustrations, and overcompensating with pseudo-heterosexuality. Perhaps he is panicking because the quizzes make him confront his sexuality. He also is sarcastically called "heterosexual" by known homosexual dracoisyourking, can't tolerate herbology_dork mistaking "lies" for "truths," is called both a "closet case" and a "non-sequitur" by waitingfortom, and can't take gay boy paparazzi_colin's comment about things being "hard,"

grrgoyle and prefectlyernie also had a discussion rife with homosexual references, starting with the former linking being Head Boy with getting head from a boy. Is a secret gay romance in their future?

On an ambiguously gay note, no_opinion refuses to discuss her "Granola Dyke" test result that reminds prefectlyernie of his "recent trauma" and leads ur_so_vane to observe, "Why is everyone gay all of the sudden?" Keep in mind her frequent admissions that she was once a gay man in a past life and her uncharacteristic anger at prefectlyernie's self-projected homophobic remarks.

And in related news we probably don't need reminding of, alwayspms is not gay, and we continue to be paraded with the open homosexuality of paparazzi_colin, dracoisyourking, and shouldteachdada.

This reporter is sure readers will continue to report back with further examples as they take place.



MAJOR ETA:

no_opinion just came out (no wank yet), herbology_dork threatened to out drunkirishdude to deanosovirtuoso and now drunkirishdude has insisted that only he can be the one to do that. How will he enforce that? Nobody can talk to "Deanie" except for him!

I never thought he had it in him to manage a spell like that!


MAJOR ETA2: drunkirishdude finally putting the moves on "Deanie"?


Lesser ETA: potter_mouth: sarcasm, or confession veiled as sarcasm? "YES. I'M A HOMOSEXUAL. I'M SUPER, SUPER GAY, AND CAN NEVER HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU."


Lesser-Lesser ETA: Our very own thesexybill confesses his homosexuality in this very entry's comments. "Very very VERY gay!! Gayer than me, even!!"

When will people learn we can READ these things?

Sunday
January 15th



[[info]] 9:54pm - Being for the benefit of wizardfen!
Mood: annoyed
I am being very annoying that He Who Is Not Being Named is posting all of these.

I know you are being thought that I am the type who is doing these mine, but I am not. I am hating them.

None a less, I am thinking prefectlyernie is being too gay to not be being gay.

Also am really not believing that reallyquiteevil is being with the banging of Cedric. I am knowing Cedric and I am not thinking he is being in that. (That is in fait being of incredible disgust.)

Saturday
January 14th



[[info]] 7:30pm - More Wand Splash!
Mood: ROFLMAO
I found their old website, wandsplash.com on an internet cache. It was filled with catch phrases to advertise themselves, but really, who were they trying to kid? Take a look at few of these.

Wand Splash is the least pretentious and least demanding of the loves. - Keep telling yourselves that.

Wand Splash is just a rumour and I wasn't hoodwinked into believing it.

Wand Splash is also provided for active club members on an upper landing. - Elite, huh?

Wand Splash is in Classical Greek culture the kind of love that one feels for their favorite armchair. - WTF.

Wand Splash is an essential part of the world. - Guess again.

Wand Splash is heading the way of the dinosaur. - Uhhh.

Wand Splash is not some thing evil. - Of course not.

Wand Splash is not bad but for long trips you will still need an extra bag like a T-Bag or something similar to carry all of your clothes. - I don't know what to say.

Wand Splash is over. - You got that one right.

Yes, I know they're from Googlism.com, but still, I was amused.

[[info]] 7:01pm - Apocalyptic RPG wank - reminiscing.
wandsplash_rpg.

Yes, at first we all thought it was a fairly innocent Wizarding Community RPS RPG that doesn't take itself too seriously, even when it gets pornographic (I think we all remember the infamous "FUCK"-thread). But good Merlin at the wank brewing underneath the suggestive community name! Of course, it's sadly all gone now what with the community deleted. All those wank-filled OOC posts, I miss you.

Let's reminisce the wanky ol' times. I'll start.

One of my favourite wandsplash_rpg wanks was when the mod, also a player of Cornelius Fudge (an exceptionally gay version of him, anyway), made a post with a joke about the First War and peopled reacted, badly. The mod then proceeded to defend his right to be an arse. People reacted even more badly. Eventually the thing lead to a semi-public apology , and a behind-the-doors spanking - or so the players of WS claimed, anyway.

Then there was the time when wandsplash_rpg did that unbelievable plot where one player claimed to have shot all the other players with a Muggle weapon because they wouldn't accept his Muggle original character, who "sexier than Voldemort on a stick" - a sentence that later lead to a great deal of controversy. Of course, then the player also outed his fellow players in a skrewt-journal (also deleted) and appeared very, very bitter. This plot was fine with most fans but the critics, who the skrewt-journal pretend-outed, weren't happy at all. Apparently they were upset that they were connected to an RPG whose most famous pairing was Squid/Hogwarts (with a side dish of Squid/everyone).

Of course, the plot was later called a prank and WS rolled back in with some plot about cheese. Or aliens. I forget which.

Sure the players of wandsplash_rpg were pretentious twats (I mean, their Harry? Too poetic to be real!), but this RPG sure brought on the wank.

What were your favourite Wand Splash Slash! wank moments/memories?

Friday
January 13th



[[info]] 11:58am - Administrivia
Mood: enraged
OK, people, we can't say this enough times.

Under the rules of Wizardfen, if you are not of apparition age, you can't have an account here.

Therefore, for the love of Merlin and all that is magical, STOP MENTIONING YOUR AGES IN YOUR COMMENTS IF YOU'RE NOT YET SEVENTEEN.

Also:

It is a bannable offence to post any of the following:

locked posts
screencaps of locked posts
intercepted owl post
posts or comments made by a person under apparation age, unless they were made in a community

Thank you. None of this is open for debate, and if there IS debate, and it annoys me, the spell of banneration may be used.

Monday
January 9th



[[info]] 10:56am - Christwanks
All right, is about to be time for someone to finally post of this. Were we not saying anything because it involve these community members? Recognise.

dolohovia-- yes, one being our own-- was posting of Christmas Number One. He is warning not to be wanking of Wizardtines since Bogeyshambles is coming out of that. Dolohov naturally is wanting the Macnair to win because he's craving some Macnair long time.

But that's beside the point. Wank is starting early of course:

horntailmaster is accused by myself of liking the music that is not suiting him, and of being dragonhumper. He's not understanding this point, nor is dolohovia, but at least Dolohov eventually undrestands the disgust.

Noting a skrewt in this post that has popped up here and some other places-- h0rcrux, who is spamming this time for votes on bad, bad pop song. Very bad. Is no wonder people misconceive of gendermagi.

decreevey who is needed a ban uses unoriginal insult "retarded" for dissing of Spice Witches.

Extra-wanky billyevans leaps in to protest of miracle existing and that needing to accept some Spaniard into hearts. He's attempting a conversion of Dolohov, who I'll be admitting makes good insults when religionboy whines about the evil. Has been skrewting others, too.

Also bringing to your attention that billyevans is writing terrible Acromantula-Man fic and that wankiest of shippers, captainturqsman, is not happy of it, especially with pleading for Firebolt. No further wank on it, though.

Friday
January 6th



[[info]] 11:28pm - Acroturq wanks again. (Almost better than prossies!)
Mood: Amused
Well, they lost their marbles as well as their boat (ship?), but they're still wanking like there's no tomorrow.

I'm sure you all remember the now long-deleted Acromantula-Man Truth Project where they tried to make the author Jan Lea change the ending of issue #500 that crashed their sad little shipper fantasies. This time, a deluded shipper goes back to the source itself, the insult-infested interview back in Merlin knows when.

The wanker in charge is ur_so_vane, an annoying little Harry Potter fangirl/stalker, who posts a re-interpretation of the famous Lea interview. Apparently, Lea wasn't denying Acroturq as much as confirming it. Who knew!

There are a lot of things to highlight in this nutty post but I don't suppose I'm the only one who's amused that where other people find deep-rooted hate, these shippers find deep-rooted love.

I mean, who could deny the utter passion Turq showed towards Petrus when he tried to burn him alive in a swimming pool filled with lava! Hello, symbolism? That scene was screaming out, "Burn from my love, Acromantula-Man!" It was so obvious!

Obvious. Yes. Okay.

The comments include funny stuff like twins who don't share ship preferences (OH NO! Must be the end of the world as we know it!) and banning of that creepy Squib who looks after the Hogwarts Castle (Aaaah, save yourselves while you can!!).

And then, waitingfortom, a Voldemort fangirl (maybe she and ur_so_vane need to battle it out) and apologist (I like her already!), posts an Acromantula-Man Pairing Poll and presents the Acroturq version of a certain comic issue. It is very much with the funny.

Saturday
December 3rd



[[info]] 1:27pm - let's make fun of this girl!
Mood: enraged
OMG I found a great wank for everyone to make fun of, check this out!

This marisue_potter h0r wrote a story about Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy, and it was pretty good and hot and all, but then in her user info? she's all like, i hate massholes at salem and i go to the OTHER better salem and west coast rules and all this stuff!!! What a bitch!

So I think evetryone should go pick on her the way you picked on me about my story, which was really very good, so I don't know what you all were talk ing about anyway!!!!

Tuesday
November 29th



[[info]] 9:54pm - Where is the wank being?
Is it just being me, or is the Wankiest Weasley not been so wanky as usual lately? I have been surprised by the lacking of wank when expected much of yelling of her. Has not been so much since declaring intent to break up with Boy Who Sucked.

For instance, she is responding to the Macmillan on some points, but not of ones regarding family.

Despite all of insistence that they are breaking ups, she is not countering him declaring still girlfriend.

She is not reacting to robots or accusations of peculiarity with boys and bad shoes.

There was being ridiculous fight of other girls and whether relationshipped with the mad scientist boy or no, yet she was not seeming to notice he was using a "kill" word picture.

Is she being too busy as new prefect? As snogging? Has been finding us and is wanting to avoid attentions? What is happening to her wank?

Am pondering to haunt Hogwarts, because is all the fault for ending up dead. It was being last location I could stay before circumstances that suck. Is deserving to haunt, yes?

Especially the Snape.

Friday
October 28th



[[info]] 1:52pm - Head Boy Wank
Mood: annoyed
Okay fellow Wizard Wank fans, I'm sure you all know there have been scads of disgusting, perfectly wanky displays at Hogwarts lately, but I am choosing to highlight one in particular- the great Head Boy and Girl Wank.

Now some of you may have already heard that the head girl is in fact a gendermagi, meaning only half the time is she actually a girl. While this causes all sorts of problems on it's own (including the disgusting prospect of that lecherous creep giving "the talk" to impressionable young ladies- a gentleman should never talk like that around girls until they at least are a bit matured and have a suitable rack!), the funny bit is the tests they made him (in his male incarnation) go through to prove his worthiness. Perhaps more than slightly creepy.
In the same post in which he proudly declares himself to be head girl, the git demands birthday gifts for both himself and his female counterpart, actually threatening people that he will take points from them if they do not comply. "But be forewarned: I will be taking points for lack of gifts and for inappropriate or offensive gifts, so choose wisely."

I knew Hogwarts was going down the loo, but this is ridiculous.

You might currently be inquiring, "But Roger, oh handsome devil, you, where is the really juicy wank in all this?" Ah, wait for it, my fellow discord-lovers....

No one yet has revealed the identity of the head boy!! Mr. stuffed-shirt Macmillian has declared his worthiness over and over in every journal in which he can get his self-aggrandizing comments to appear. In no particular order, here are the ones I was able to find in my brief search:
his own,
Zabini's
that Weasley girl's
the community posts
and the poor sod even rises to Harry Potter's bait.

Count me in on the people fervently hoping the announcement is made soon and it is not Macmillian. Then there would truly be a great and lovely wank! Stay tuned!

Thursday
October 27th



[[info]] 2:03pm - Wankling.
Politics wank of this autumn: Current MoM and former MoM exchange snappy words in current MoM's livejournal.

Tiny, but amusing despite.

Monday
October 3rd



[[info]] 8:22pm -
Mood: energetic
Meet grrgoyle .

Gregory Goyle is your average junior DE, which means that he's a fucking idiot.
Before people start jumping down my throat I've met this guy personally, he's so stupid he shows up at random Muggle homes during Christmas because he's convinced Santa Clause has kidnapped his mother.

When he's not crashing random peoples homes and accusing their parents of being slaves…..

He's busy converting the masses with his home made literature.


My brother and his friends have tried to kill this guy several times, but Dumbledore seems to have an anti murdering policy.

Goyle has been terrorizing the Hogwarts community journal for a little over a year now, filling comment threads with his own insane delusions about how hot every one seems to think he is and how we should all love the dark lord.

Doe's every one remember waitingfortom and my bro paparazzi_colin well after a thread where he wasraving on about the hardness of his nipples they've decided enough is a fucking enough! And the Tom Lover made this poll encouraging students to ban Goyle from the online journals.

Paparazzi Colin was soon outraged when fellow Gryffindor drunkirishdude decided to vote in favour of keeping Goyle on the journals!!!
There's a lot of wanky stuff here including my bro accusing this guy of being gay and in a relationship with Goyle!!!

How does Goyle feel about this? Well he blames it all on his evil mirror twin!!

Friday
September 2nd



[[info]] 5:13pm -
So I am hearing this joke being about two men who are walking into an inn! And one man is eating a lemon and the other man is saying, are you eating a lemon monsieur? And the other man is saying, no, you are eating a lemon!

I am knowing this is not really being the point of this journal but it was so amusing I had to be sharing it with all the world!
15 Older Wanks
Wank to the Top
Wank wank wank. Yes, you're really stupid. Just because you think you're clever by doing clever things like saying nasty things about people when you think that they can't see what you are saying doesn't mean that you're very clever. We'll just have to mock you so you know exactly what you've done and how you're so fucking stupid. Oops. Did we say fuck?